Why Women Need to Embrace Financial Empowerment

Why is asking for fair pay still so hard?

I started working at 15, at the local supermarket. Over the years, I’ve loved the sense of purpose that comes from contributing my skills and energy. But one challenge has followed me throughout: asking for fair pay.

I’m not alone. It comes up again and again with the women I coach, many of whom feel the same discomfort when it comes to asking for what their work is worth.

Where it comes from

Why is it so hard? Through my work as a coach, I’ve come to see how much of it comes down to deeply ingrained social norms, and how they shape the way women see their own worth, especially when money is involved.

My parents both worked, even with four children. But my dad was the main breadwinner, and my mum took care of the home. Times have changed. Yet those traditions still shape how many of us approach conversations about money. A woman’s value is often felt to lie in nurturing and helping others, rather than in asking to be paid fairly. That matters, for our sense of worth and for our financial independence.

Many women grow up learning to be modest and put others’ needs first. At work, that can mean undervaluing what we contribute and hesitating to ask for a raise or negotiate better pay. It can also mean taking on the tasks nobody else volunteers for: organising the team party, collecting for a colleague’s leaving present. Linda Babcock and her colleagues have a name for these: non-promotable tasks. They take time and energy, but they rarely lead to a promotion or a pay rise.

The double standard

And when women do ask, they can face a double standard. A man who asks for more is seen as confident. A woman who does the same risks being seen as pushy. Babcock’s research has shown this too: women tend to negotiate less, and are more often penalised when they do. So their reluctance isn’t simply a lack of confidence. It’s often a fairly accurate reading of the risk.

Add to that the pay gap, which still exists. Women earn less than men overall, and part of that gap remains even when roles are comparable. Over time, that inequality has come to feel normal. It’s hard to challenge something that feels normal, especially when imposter syndrome is whispering that you should be grateful for what you have.

A cultural layer

Culture adds another layer. In France, where I live and work, money is famously one of the last taboos: talking about your salary, even with close friends, can feel almost indecent. Coming from Northern Ireland, I’ve noticed how differently people approach the subject depending on where they grew up. For women working across cultures, the discomfort can double: the norms of their gender, and the norms of the country they’re working in.

What helps

Recognising these norms has changed how I see money. It’s a necessity, of course. It’s also a form of self-respect, and a reflection of the value we bring.

Two things make a real difference:

• Talking about money openly. The more we talk about pay, the less awkward it becomes. Asking for a raise, negotiating a rate or discussing financial goals should feel like a normal professional conversation.
• Setting boundaries. Limiting unpaid commitments, and saying no to extra responsibility that doesn’t come with recognition, protects our time and energy, and makes our real contribution easier to see.

If I could talk to that 15-year-old at the supermarket, I’d tell her this: asking to be paid fairly isn’t greedy, and it isn’t ungrateful. It’s simply recognising what your work is worth.

Does any of this resonate with you? If you’d like to explore what’s holding you back, I’d be glad to talk.